We are so fortunate to live in a time when there are so many options when it comes to death and grief-related children’s literature. I’ve been exploring a lot of books and resources in preparation for November, children’s grief month, and the grief-related blog updates that I will be sharing all month. As I was deciding which books to share first, I couldn’t resist sharing these first. When comparing these books to the other children’s books you’ve read, these are a little different. Many of them will be sought after because they touch on something that an adult wants to bring up with a child. Some will answer kids’ questions. Some will give families a new way to think about things. Many of them are helpful for the entire family.
If you are professional who works with grieving children, I highly recommend you check all of these books out. They will help you switch up your typical support and make you more prepared to support families with resources that related to their experiences. Read below to learn more and get them for your grief libraries or your homes.
To talk about the many different things that people believe about the afterlife-
Hereafter by Silvia and David Fernandez
This book depicts a crew of circus animals who do dangerous things everyday. Since they risk their life all of the time, they like to talk about what will happen when they die. They each believe differently (many of their beliefs are based on different religious and cultural beliefs). The book uses one sentence to explain each of their beliefs including but not limited to heaven, reincarnation, adventures, Nirvana, continued energy, living on in memories, and more. The book ends by asking the reader what they believe. Many children get exposed to certain afterlife concepts from family and friends, but this book expands on other ideas that may not be as common in your region. This book would be great if you are looking for a way to expose your child to many ways of thinking and discussing the idea of the afterlife. Good for school-aged children. Also available in Spanish.
https://shorturl.at/xPTgJ
Using nature and the ways that animals take care of their dead and dying to support readers-
A Last Goodbye by Elin Kelsey
This is one of the more unique books that I have found about grief. Although the book is very simply written, the book uses the acts of animals carrying for their dying as a way to describe different ways the writer will care for her loved ones when they die. The book focuses on how you physically care for a body as it dies and how after it dies it feeds the soil or ocean creatures around it. Again, it doesn’t get into any details, but instead uses gentle phrases to describe many reactions to death including gently stroking a body, holding them tight, watching in sadness, crying out, gathering with family, placing plants or gifts, and sleeping in their napping spot. The book ends by talking about how all of our lives create a long line of love in this thriving planet. I think this book is a great conversation starter to discuss the many different ways to act or to cope after a loss. It opens the doors to many different experiences and ways to mourn. This book could be helpful to start a discussion about an anticipated loss or hospice visit, as a family explores ways to interact and connect at a hospice or end of life experience. This book is also good for families looking for books that support a variety of reactions or for scientific thinkers. This book does not discuss afterlife, but does mention things that happen to a body after a loss. https://link.amazon/B026OJ8kU
Explaining cremation (and burial)-
What Happened to Daddy’s Body? By Elke Barber
This book talks about a 4-year-old who suddenly has questions about what happened to his dad’s body when he died. His mother does an amazing job explaining the coffin and the crematorium. It goes more in depth than some books, but still keeps it appropriate for curious young children. She then talks about burial as another thing that could happen with a dead body. She talks about decomposing in a positive way. The book then starts talking about their day-to-day life and ways they remember their dad, but still have positive relationships with others, including the mom’s boyfriend. At the end of the story, the mom decides she would like to spread the ashes that she has been keeping, and she lets the kids keep some and put some in a pot with a tree that they can grow in his memory. I appreciated that this book went further about a lot of aspects that most books for young children. It wouldn’t probably be for every family, but a lot of families could benefit from this honest, simple conversation. Keep in mind it does bring up aspects like mom having a boyfriend later after the dad died. Good for preschool through middle elementary.
https://amzn.to/4eAZ3cE
To support people who lose someone that they had a complicated relationship with-
Grieving You and Me: A story about grieving a complicated relationship by Ami Armagost
This beautiful book tells the simple story of a boy. His dad dies. The book talks about his relationship with his dad before his death, saying that he saw him sometimes, and that sometimes he wished it was more and sometimes he wished it was less. When the death happens, the boy has complicated feelings, and it talks about his worry in sharing those with his mom. When he does, he realizes that it helps and that his mom is okay. It talks about it not being his fault even if he wished him away a few times. The book uses simple relatable language to help grievers feel less alone in the loss of a loved one with a complicated relationship. This book would be appropriate for preschool through elementary school. I feel like this can also be a common experience for adults too and that they might benefit from the simple supportive words. https://link.amazon/B03BWMXjt
To address all of the dumb things that people say to grievers-
Death is Stupid by Anastasia Higginbothom
This book supports a young child who is dealing with grief and loss. It addresses all the dumb things people say to him including ways they try to make him feel better that make him feel worse, lies they tell, and old fashioned phrases that are confusing. The book also talks about things that do actually help like talking to the person in your imagination and doing simple things to remember them like writing their name in fancy ways. The book also address pet loss at the end acknowledging how important they are and ways to mourn even if others aren’t acknowledging or mourning with you. As a person that is often frustrated with the ways society talks about death (or avoids talking about death) and the silly things they say to try to be supportive, I loved this book. I think it would be amazing for any grieving family even as a preparation for the funeral, warning a child about what they might experience or afterwards to help them process. It would also be great for grief groups and venting as a group. Good for elementary aged kids and older.
https://link.amazon/B0gNSYCuV
For small death that others don’t recognize (like small pets)-
Rodney Was a Tortoise by Nan Forler
This book tells the story of a girl with an old pet tortoise. The tortoise was special to her, and although he was old and slow, she found all sorts of ways to play with him. Then one day he doesn’t wake up and dies. She feels very sad, but the rest of the world seems to go on not noticing or caring. Finally, one day a classmate notices how sad she is and asks about her tortoise. He has experienced a pet death too. She looks to him as a new playmate. This is a good conversation starter for young to middle elementary school students especially for pet deaths or deaths that many might not recognize as important. It can also be good to start conversations about being a good friend to grievers and using listening skills. Could be appropriate for a classroom read aloud or for grief libraries.
https://link.amazon/B04riXgvR
Discussing pet loss, decomposing after buria, and kids wondering about pet heaven-
The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst
This book tells the story of a boy whose cat dies. He feels very sad, and his mother tells him to think of 10 good things about his cat. They are planning a funeral and the boy shares 9 good things at the small funeral as they bury him in the backyard. The neighbor girl attends the funeral with the family and comes in for cookies afterward. There, the kids get into an argument about whether the cat is in heaven or in the ground. The boy’s father states that he is not sure who is correct because “we don’t know too much about heaven”. The girl states that she is sure heaven has room for cats and returns home. The father invites the boy into the backyard to plant seeds. They talk about how the cat’s body will become soil and help the flowers grow. This becomes the 10th good thing about the cat. This book can be helpful when children are trying to understand the idea of after life. It can also be helpful for children who are getting mixed messages about the mystery of the afterlife. The book does not declare one thing or another about heaven, but shows that regardless a body returning to the earth can be a good thing. Of course, a child might need additional conversations or books about burial, cremation, souls, etc. Good for elementary-aged kids.
https://link.amazon/B05cyc1B2
As always, I make a small commission if you buy these books through these links (it helps me be able to spend time finding you books!), but I also highly recommend finding them at your local library or book store.
