Children’s Books About Being a Sibling After a Loss
Here we are again. Baby Loss Awareness Week. This week brings up so many memories, from my own miscarriage, but also from the many families I worked with during my time in Maternity and the Perinatal Palliative Care team. None of these moments are light or fun, but many of them are impactful. How families move through their hardest days is directly related to how they function through the rest of their lives. That is part of why I am so motivated to share resources that families can use to start conversations with their children. The words can feel so hard to get out, but they are so important.
This year, I am sharing a few new books I found about siblings during a baby loss, but I am also sharing some books for children who are born later. As a part of the family, knowing the story and their role in it can help kids feel included, loved, and connected. Being aware of something sad that happened to your family doesn’t have to be scary. It can show kids that people can feel many things at once and that they are loved deeply.
Also, at the end of the post, I am sharing a few of the books that I personally have created about baby loss. They initially got posted with some other blog themes and have been hard for people to find. So I’m adding them to this blog as well. Lastly, please keep in mind that last year, I shared books that support the entire family after a baby loss. This means that some of them are great for siblings as well. I highly recommend checking out that blog as well at: https://www.wordsworthrepeating.com/stories/books-that-support-families-after-the-death-of-a-baby?rq=baby%20loss
Books for Siblings After a Baby Loss:
Ours: A Story of Loss and Healing by Mandy Settembre
This story depicts a family with two parents and a young boy. They are anticipating the arrival of a new baby sister. One day his parents call his grandparents to come over and watch him. He hears one of them say that something is wrong with the baby. His grandparents tell him that when he is worried it can help to keep your hands busy, but he doesn’t feel like playing. When his parents come home, they tell him that the baby “isn’t coming anymore”. The entire family is sad and the illustrations depict each family member struggling. Eventually, the next spring they plant some seeds. When some seeds grow and others don’t, his mother explains that seeds contain the directions to grow big and healthy and some just don’t. The boy remembers his baby sister and draws the connection that maybe this baby just didn’t have the full directions/code to grow fully. The book ends by saying that what matters is that they loved and cared for her and that she will still be ours. The illustrations depict a garden in her memory. This book could be especially helpful if kids are focused on why a baby was stillborn or miscarried. The book could also be read to initiate the idea of planting a tree or garden in honor of a baby. I highly recommend any grief library or for home after a child has experienced the loss of a baby. I think it could even be appropriate for classrooms or groups if a teacher experiences a known pregnancy loss. Good for young children, but I honestly think the gentle words and concepts could be helpful for almost any age grappling with the “why”.
https://amzn.to/4jhvSQ5
I’m Still A Big Sister by Brittany and Eliza Day
This book tells the story of a school aged girl who finds out she is going to be a big sister and is so excited. She talks about different parts of the pregnancy and what made her excited. Then she says that the baby died and how sad they all were. She says that she wanted to be a big sister, and her parents explain that she still is. She proudly talks about her baby and wears her big sister. She mentions she doesn’t know if her parents will have another baby, but that it doesn’t matter because she has a special baby looking over her. I appreciate that the text of this book is simple and guided towards the way children think and express themselves. I think many big sisters will be comforted and relate to this book. An important addition to hospital libraries and for families who experience the loss of a baby. I wish there was a brother version as well, but I think families could adapt the concept and boys could still get something out of it. This book would be good for young children through early elementary age. https://amzn.to/4yNVJ6T
Books for Siblings that Came After a Baby Loss:
Perfectly Imperfect by Amie Lands
This story is told by a school age boy. He talks about his family including his toddler brother, his mom, his dad, and his sister who died before he was born. He talks about how much his parents love his sister and how he loves her because she showed his parents how much he would love him and his brother. They talk about how they celebrate her birthday, remember during her holidays, and how he wonders what she would be like now. The book explains things in a simple, tender way that is relatable for children. It uses a point of view filled with love and honesty, but does not use any religious terms or ideas. This book would be a relatable story for any family who experienced the death of a child and now has children who never met them.
https://amzn.to/4dEEbBQ
Some Babies by Holly Ann Abel
This book is a poem comparing the growth and play that some babies do in contrast with the ways that we remember other babies who have died. The book does not talk about death and lots of beliefs are inferred, such as a “baby growing wings” which implies heaven. I can see this book being comforting to many caregivers and starting conversations with kids about how some babies do things like sending snowflakes and rainbows. In this way, the book is a conversation starter and a way to feel connected to a baby who has died, but I would definitely advise further conversation about death and your family’s beliefs about after life and connection. Good for school aged kids. Could be very confusing for literal toddlers.
https://amzn.to/4yH74Wq
Someone Came Before You by Pat Schwiebert
This book has been around for a while and is a little different from the other ones out there. I really appreciate the honest detailed aspects of the couple's journey, from wedding to baby preparation to baby loss to despair and not finding joy in things. Things get a little interesting in the middle of the book when the baby (depicted wearing white with wings and a halo) is involved in helping the parents feel ready to have another baby. While I get the realness and import message of feeling the baby’s love and being affected by a baby even though they have died, the illustrations are pretty interesting. In one picture the baby is reading a book titled “How to Be Happy Even Though Your Baby Died”. In the end, the book touches on ways that the family still remembers the baby with a special ornament on the tree and a box full of memories. I am sharing because I think the honest depiction of the journey will be a good fit for some families and the illustrations are quirky, but definite conversations for starters. For others, the angel/reference and the angel baby hanging out around the family won’t feel like a good fit for their family.
https://amzn.to/4B26BzP
Words Worth Repeating Books that Support Siblings Directly After A Baby Loss:
There Was a Baby... by Laura Camerona
This book gives caregivers the words to talk to their children about a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. The book acknowledges common feelings and supports the entire family unit with simple explanations and colorful images. This book is appropriate for a large variety of situations, no matter their culture, religion, or family dynamics.
https://amzn.to/4s6XQQS
Let's Talk About Our Baby: A Book for Families after a Sudden Infant Death by Laura Camerona
This book gives families the words to talk about the unexpected death of a baby. This book was written to support families no matter the reason of death. When families in the ER experience the loss of a baby, they often don’t know the specifics of how or why. The autopsy and follow up investigation could take weeks to months and those families need support now. This book was written to be that book. Full disclosure, I wrote this book as a child life specialist after years of supporting families in the hospital. This book and its simple words and inclusive illustrations would be good for all ages of children. https://amzn.to/4jWFpfu
Our Sweet ________: A fill-in-the-blank children’s book about a special baby, gone too soon by Laura Camerona
Self-disclosure, this another Words Worth Repeating resource. This coloring book includes text that has places for families to personalize. The book tells their baby’s story accompanied with illustrations that can be colored in a realistic or more magical, creative way. Once colored and filled in, this book serves as a legacy book that families can read to remember their sweet baby.
https://amzn.to/4s6z1V5
As always, I make a small commission if you purchase through the links on this page. This helps me be afford the countless hours I spend looking for books (actually, it doesn’t, but maybe someday it will! :) ) I also fully support finding these books at local libraries and book stories!!
