10 Expressive Grief Activities
Have you heard that Words Worth Repeating is releasing a book on death? It’s been doing its test rounds lately with moms, social workers, local Child Life Specialists, and even my kids. I’ll give you one guess as to who was the most critical?! So after, making several changes suggested by my kids (and a few suggested by adults), it’s almost ready for print. Stay tuned!
Although typically the focus of Words Worth Repeating is creating books customized to one situation, I felt pulled to create this book, as I personally felt frustrated in my previous life as a Child Life Specialist trying to find a book that gave families the right words in grief situations. As I talked to my friends who worked in the schools, I discovered that they felt the same way. So, I’m especially excited to start offering this book to schools and hospitals that are looking for a tool for their classrooms and for their families who are unprepared to help their child through a recent and often tragic death. Inside the book, I have included some tips for parents and also for teachers/group leaders. In these “tips”, I talk about offering the child(ren) an expressive activity after reading the book, and so today on my blog, I wanted to share some ideas of grief expression activities.
So, with no further adieu, I give you 10 Expressive Grief Activities:
JOURNALING: This one is simple. Give kids a chance to write down or draw what they are feeling. Encourage them to write down questions they have as well. Do NOT require that they share, but give them a chance to share if they wish.
MAKE A BOOK: Give kids paper that they can staple together into a book or give them a blank book (I have found them on Oriental Trading, at the Dollar Tree, in the Target Dollar Spot). Have them decorate the cover however they wish. Then on the pages, have them write down or draw memories they have of the person. Encourage them to come back and add more on other days when they think of other memories. Another option is to have the child write letters to the person they miss. Again, they can come back to it and write more letters to them at any time.
CREATE A BOX: Similar to the book, this can be used in different ways. Have them decorate the box. One option is to encourage them to write down memories on slips of paper and put them in the box. They can go back and read through the memories at any time. Another option is that this box could also be a feelings box. They can focus on the many different feelings they are having, by writing what they are feeling and putting it in the box.
MEMORY NECKLACE OR BRACELET: Provide a large selection of beads. Help your child prepare a string or piece of stretchy elastic so it will hold the beads. Then have them chose different beads based on memories or topics related to the person who has died. Examples: A bead that is your loved one’s favorite color, a bead that represents your loved one’s favorite holiday, a bead that represents their favorite sports team, a bead that represents their personality, a bead that represents a trip you went on with the person, a bead that reflects their favorite activity, a bead that makes you think of your happiest memory with your loved one, a bead that reflects your love for them, etc. Then help your child tie off the piece of jewelry so that they can wear it.
WORRY DOLL OR MONSTER: Take two pieces of paper, felt, fabric, cardstock, etc. Using a pencil, draw a large shape of a person or a monster on one of your pieces. Cut out your person or monster. Then use that shape as a stencil to trace the exact same shape on to your second piece. Cut that one out as well. Then by gently folding one of the shapes, cut out a mouth. Use some glue to outline the outside of one of the shapes and glue the two shapes together (or tape or sew). Next, decorate the person or monster. Finally, once your glue is dry. Show your child when they are feeling worried or upset they can write down the feeling and then put it in the worry monster or doll to eat up. (This craft can also be done with fabric and sewing. I have sewed a baby sock into the monster’s mouth to catch the worries inside the doll. The paper version takes much less prep work!)
MIXING PAINT ACTIVITY: Start the child with a piece of heavy paper/cardstock. Have them draw 6 large circles on the paper. Below each circle have them label different feelings that they have been having (ex. Happy, sad, worried, confused, nervous, mad, etc). Have them chose a paint color that expresses each feeling for them. Have them paint that color in the circle. Then give them another sheet of heavy paper. Have them squirt or apply the different colors on the new sheet, perhaps reflecting how they are feeling. Lots of one emotion, a little of another emotion. Then have them swirl the colors on that sheet together to show how they are feeling at that time. This activity goes well with a conversation about how our feelings continue to change and how it is okay to feel many things at once.
FAMILY PORTRAIT: If the child or children who are participating lost a family member. Have them draw a family portrait. Have them draw what their family looks like now. Sometimes children will draw their dead family member as still there, in heaven, underground, etc. It may give you an idea of what they are thinking.
POETRY: (Typically better for ages 8 and up) Encourage the child/children to write a poem about the person who died. Some kids will just run with it. Others might benefit from a format.
Here is one:
(Name of the person who died or what the child called them)
(5 words that describe the person)
(2-3 phrases that describe activities the person liked to do or did together)
(1 phrase/sentence about what happened to the person -can be very simple)
(5 words/short phrases about how the writer is feeling)
(2-3 phrases about where the person’s soul)
(1 phrase/sentence about how the person lives on in the writer)
Example:
Grandma Grace.
Strong, even, resourceful, playful, humble.
Quilting while watching the Cubs game, playing cards, making roast beef.
After a long life, you slipped away.
Missing you, longing, remembering, at peace, wishing you were here.
You are watching all of us, praying hard for each of us.
I teach my kids to cook, to sew, and to play -I pass you on to them.
TARGET PRACTICE: Help a child or children get negative feelings out in a more physical way. Have the kid(s) help you make a large target (or do this ahead of time). Have a stack of paper and a writing utensil ready. Have them stand back from the target. Then have them write something they are mad about or upset about. Then have them crunch it up and fling it at the target. It can feel so good to crunch up that ball and to fling it hard, while they also get a chance to think about what is really making them so upset.
CREATE AN OFRENDA: Whether you celebrate Dia de los Muertos or not, you can create an ofrenda in your home or your classroom. A typical ofrenda is an altar that is covered with pictures of loved ones who have died, foods they like, marigolds and other decorations. While the original idea is that the souls of the loved ones could come back and visit during Dia de los Muertos, many people create them to just honor and remember their loved ones. This could look so many different ways. It could be a shelf or a card table. Let your kid(s) decorate the area with items that remind them of the person and pictures of the person. The kiddo(s) might want to keep it up for a very long time, so think about that when you chose a place for your ofrenda. Over time, maybe the ofrenda can just be a candle and a photo of the person, but its presence may help the kids feel like the person is still important and isn’t being forgotten.
I hope these are helpful. The important thing is to give kids a chance to work through these big feelings in the presence of an adult who can support them. I would love to hear other people’s ideas. Feel free to share them to my FB or Instagram accounts!
